Come Home
by TundrainAfrica
Summary: Memories don't keep people grounded in their present. They're the reason people think of what ifs and would haves, regrets and daydreams. Alex sees three dimensions of his reality and makes a decision. Set after Never Say Die.
1. Prologue

**Prompt: Alex meets the ghosts of his past, present and future. (À la Christmas Carol, but it can be based around a different event if you prefer)**

 **My time zone is West Coast United States time right now so technically I'm not THAT late. I rechecked the prompt though and it turns out that I can post anytime in December. By that time I was already 4000 words into my story and I cannot post that much in one go. The prompt has past, present and future. At the same time, I did manage to pick out the natural divisions in my story. I guess I'm better off just posting one chapter a day. I divided this story into 5 chapters, Prologue, Past, Present, Future and Epilogue and I'll be posting one each day, leading up to New Year's Eve with an extra chapter on December 31 to satisfy whatever I think is missing from the story or whoever gave me the prompt, you can suggest what you wanna see. Or I'm open to any ideas for that extra chapter.**

 **Merry Christmas and I hope you enjoy my take on this prompt. Btw, don't be too worried. The story is already done so the painful part is really formatting the fic on my phone before I post haha.**

 **Prologue**

A year ago, Alex spent Christmas away from home in a Scottish castle with Sabina and her family.

 _That was only a year ago…_ Alex thought wryly too himself as he recalled what had happened in between. Somehow, he had taken Jack for granted last year. He spent a huge chunk of that next year regretting that decision since Jack had "died" that summer. With everything back to the way it was by autumn, Alex had promised not to take his housekeeper and best friend for granted. Over his dead body was he going to spend Christmas somewhere else.

Alex couldn't help but somehow find some amusement in the black humor he pulled out of his unfortunate situation. By early December he had promised Jack they'd be spending Christmas curled up in the living room of their Chelsea home watching home alone videos, counting down until midnight. He was supposed to spend the next day with Tom, maybe they'd go to Soho or Picaddily.

December 18, he had gotten an assignment from MI6 to work with his old unit to infiltrate a terrorist group and rescue the son of a British Ambassador in Africa. Mrs. Jones had said that she wouldn't have called him if the situation wasn't so delicate. It could have been desperation or it could have been an attempt to pull Alex back into the world of spying.

That wasn't what compelled him into taking a job though. First, he hadn't worked with K-unit in so long and he almost missed it. Second, the job must have been important if Ben who was already working office jobs most days decided to take part. Third, for some reason, hearing the history of the ambassador who had lost his son and was going to spend the whole days waiting for news on his return, pulled on some of Alex's heart strings, taking him back to his own experience of grief and loss with Jack.

 _I'll be back before Christmas._ Alex had told Jack as he waited outside his Chelsea house for the car that was going to take him straight to the airport and eventually, into the African jungle. As he checked his smart watch, he couldn't help but laugh at his naive self of two days a week ago. He actually thought they could finish this job in a week? The clock said 11:59 pm. In less than a few seconds, it will say 12:00 am. December 25, 12am.

London was still a few hours behind countries in East Africa and Alex was sure around that time, they still would have been preparing food to munch on while watching a movie, if he didn't take that job. That reminded him, he hadn't told Tom about it. He had assumed he'd be able to finish everything long before December 25. Even if he left then and there, with the plane ride, he'd still only have enough time to dress up and eat breakfast. With the way things were flowing in the mission though, they'll need a miracle to get home by Christmas.

 _Maybe the hostage they're trying to rescue dropping down right in front of them safe and sound in a parachute would have been nice, then a jet which would take them straight back to London._ Wishful thinking but something to keep Alex occupied as they camped out in the trees.

"Merry Christmas team." It was Ben Daniels who broke the silence. He had a consoling tone to him Alex looked around at them, he realized no one expected to be there that long, no one wanted to be there at that time of year. What worse was in a few minutes they were going to start the infiltration stage of their mission, their main player- Alex Rider. He was still small enough to fit into most vents, more importantly he still had his flexibility to help him maneuver in and out of those small holes easily even if he had grown since last time they had worked with him.

"It's not Christmas til we finish this job." Alex replied not looking up from the time he'd been watching for over a minute. It had been 12:00 for a few seconds already. "Just find a way in without alerting the guards. We don't want any casualties." His job was routine. All he had to do was secure the hostage inside and pull him out if possible or draw a path at which K-unit can follow to minimize casualties.

Alex had done similar things a million times before. His motivation to stay quiet as he tried to dodge the line of sights of the guards was the fact that he didn't know if K-unit would come out of it alive if he caused too much of a ruckus. They were outnumbered and they all had weapons, Alex had found out as he infiltrated deeper into their hideout. Eventually he had come across the hostage. He was a young boy only three years younger than him at the least. He seemed much smaller though under the pale light of his cell.

Alex pressed his back to the wall when he realized he was distracted, for a minute or so, he hadn't been watching any guards that could have been watching his cell. He let out a sigh of relief as he didn't hear any change of pace or sudden sounds that could mean he was spotted.

The security was too late, Alex was almost tempted to call K-unit then and there and tell them to just storm their way in. He had to stop himself though when he realized the young boy was still far from secure. He didn't need to call his attention, the boy had been following his gaze since a while ago. Alex put a mouth to his own lip to hush the boy. _Can he really help this boy without alerting the group?_ His response was automatic. Before Alex could even assess the situation any further, his instincts had kicked in and Alex found himself burning through the lock of the cell.

"If I kick this door down, it means I want you to run." It was a gamble. He had contacted K-unit soon after with locations of the guards and to spread themselves out and go deeper into the hideout so if ever they're caught, the boy could just run. Alex will be right behind him to make sure killing shots don't hit him as he runs. Wolf and Eagle had already messaged saying they have moved deeper inside the hideout. Alex had no time to wait for any other responses. He had felt the cold metal was pressed to his back and he knew he had been found. If he gave up then there, he was a hostage, they'll fix the lock, hell, they'll hurt the kid. In the end, Alex saw the most blatantly risky option to be that with the least risk. To hell with his own life, he can manage. The kid in front of him wouldn't be able to defend himself.

Alex turned around and grabbed the gun by the barrel. The man fired multiple shots almost instinctively but not before the roundhouse kick connected to his head and he fell to the ground unconscious. Alex turned back to the young boy in the cell and pushed the door open. "You run… I'll be right behind you."

The young boy gave Alex a once over and hesitated.

"Go!" It could have been fear or urgency that pressed the boy on but in the end it worked.

Wolf should be stationed just outside the entrance. If the kid just keeps running straight for the next minute, Wolf should find brain was rationalizing his sluggish movements. Alex pressed on anyhow, trying to keep his pace only a few steps slower than the boy so he wouldn't lose him. He had brought out his gun, ready to shoot anyone that could attack the boy.

He didn't have to shoot anyone. Less than a minute after he had broken open the cell and let the boy run free, they had run into Wolf. He hadn't heard them break in. _Did they use a silencer? Did they take out all the other guards._

His own inner monologue hitched to a stop as a wave of sleepiness washed over him. He deserved a break. It was Christmas. He should just swallow his pride and rest on the wall behind him. Wolf will wake him up anyway when they're ready to go home.

 _Merry Christmas._ He thought to himself. His thoughts then drifted to fruit cake and ham and he was asleep.

 **Do tell me what you think!**


	2. Past

**Past**

Alex was back at home.

Just like he had expected, there was Christmas ham and Fruit Cake lined up in the kitchen island next to him.

 _Jack?_ "Jack?" He called out. No answer. He retraced his footsteps. He knew he wasn't supposed to be home until after Christmas. Why were there fruit cake and ham on the table? Knowing Jack, she may have pushed back the celebration for him. The calendar on the kitchen island still said December 25 though, and the sun outside was looking bright.

 _So he did make it back by Christmas Day._ He could still go out with Tom then maybe watch a movie with Jack that night. "Alex." Alex was moving to hurry upstairs and change and maybe get a message to Tom when he heard a voice behind him. He instinctively looked back to see a petite blonde.

"Mum…" He had seen his mother before, in pictures and maybe even in a few dreams. It could have been his familial instincts that helped him recognize her, maybe it was those instincts that were responsible for that warm feeling inside him. The same warm feeling he got in rare moments when Ian wasn't so busy and they actually had a few minutes to just wind down together, the same warm feeling he got spending holidays watching movies with Jack and eating fruitcake and christmas ham when Ian was away. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas huh?" The blonde raised her eyebrows. "I expected more from you. Ian didn't raise you to be this inarticulate."

Alex's body could have been moving on its own at that moment. He rushed to touch the woman in front of him, only to see that he felt nothing, as if he had just gone through her. "Generally the dead aren't supposed to be interacting to the living. We were worried about you."

"We? Worried?" It was Christmas. He was spending it with Jack and Tom. What was there to be worried about? At the back of his mind, he knew it was unrealistic to even see his mother in front of him, doing more than what was expected of a hallucination. Like in all dreams though, the brain always works overtime to rationalize apparitions in dreams and at that moment, more than anything, he felt at home seeing his mother. I'm here because you're on the verge of crossing the line. I want to make sure you don't."

"What do you mean make sure I don't? I'm right here."

"You're not here. You're back in Cairo."

Alex looked around him and the hallucinations were starting to clear. He recalled the hostage rescue, he remembered leaning on the wall and slumping down on the ground for a quick rest.

And then the blood.

 _The blood._

Alex looked at his hands as he recalled the last few seconds he remembered. The blood that stuck to his hands after he quickly ran them through his chest. "What day is it today?" He looked to the calendar on the island. "December 25. It was December 24 last night." He assured himself as he recalled the events of yesterday night in Cairo.

"Jack changed that date last night at 12am. It was her Christmas vigil as she waited for you to come home. During that same time, somewhere in East Africa, they were rushing you out of the field. You sustained multiple bullet wounds. Only emergency procedures could be done in the area. They had to rush you to a hospital in Cairo by plane." His mother explained.

"But I'm home." He said. He almost considered rushing upstairs to his room to confirm whether it was really his home or a look alike house. The TV was the same one. The sofa was the same one Ian had bought on a trip from Italy. The coffee and tea were in the same matching jars Jack had bought on a trip to Harrod's in Knightsbridge.

Helen shook her head. "Your body is in Cairo."

"And Jack?"

"On a flight to Cairo." Within seconds, Alex put two and two together and he didn't need to ask any more questions.

 **Tell me what you think!**


	3. Present

**Present**

The beeping of a monitor resounded through the room.

"He lost too much blood, his brain shut down. We did some tests and we can confirm that he's clinically brain dead."

Alex saw Ben sitting on the sofa his head resting on his hands.

"He needs time…"Ben explained.

"I hear his guardian will be coming to discuss his future…"

"His future?"

"If she consents to donating his organs after we pull the plug." The doctor answered, his tone unchanged. It was surreal that the man was talking about him but with his own body lying on that bed, Alex had already conceded to it. "How to get back…" He looked back at his mother.

"It was your choice to leave Alex. This wasn't some freak accident where your soul is forced out when your body becomes too crushed and mangled to hold on to it. Your body is still alive and kicking. It's still calling out to you to come back. You left because a part of you wants to die. That's why I came down here to see you. You need to find that one thing that will push you to keep living."

"Keep living..."

"Think of your present. Think of your future." Alex sat down on the bed. _Why not my past?_ Alex looked more closely at his mother. She was right. A part of him did want to die. That feeling came in waves, stronger after missions and long hospital stays. Life had become hell, with every mission and every death he had encountered, he had felt like he was descending another circle and he had wished many times that the many people who had tortured him and tried to kill him had succeeded. It would have ended the pain. If she was there though, if his father was there, would he have felt the same pain? "There's no use looking back at the past Alex. Woulds and what ifs don't exist and never will. What's keeping you here?"

His mom and dad were just a memory to him. Memories don't keep people grounded in their life. They're the reason people think of what ifs and would haves, regrets and daydreams. They were a reason he'd want to leave his body in the first place. It would be easier to leave as well. Staying on earth meant more missions, more pain. He thought back to the grief he had experienced, losing Jack, the trauma of seeing General Sarov put a gun to his head. There was no doubt he'd experience something similar if he continued on. As he looked straight into his mother's eyes, he saw the pleading in them. It wasn't what got him into considering the present though. He had heard the muffled breaths though but as he looked back at the sofa behind him, he saw Ben, eyes red rimmed. "Dying means leaving the burden of a loss, grief and guilt to someone else. Your pain has ended but someone else's will just get worse." His mother said.

Without turning back to her, Alex exited the room. Ben crying was something he has never seen before and his heart wrenched at the scene. Going out though, he didn't prepare himself for anything else.

"No. You're kidding…" A familiar voice echoed in the corridors. Alex followed that voice almost instinctively Jack?

"We weren't able to save his life but we'll be able to save many more with those organs."

"If you take those organs, Alex is dead… for sure…"

"He's dead already." The doctor said.

"No he's not! You said before! He's still breathing! His heart is still pumping!"

"It's the machines doing the work. We're going to need fresh working organs for donation."

Alex watched as Jack, looking all the more tired and stressed from a 6 hour plane ride, put her face on her hands.

"And what if I don't agree to this?"

"We respect your decision. We keep him alive with the machines as long as you think he'll still wake up from that coma but remember, this is already against medical advice."

"Give me time." Jack stood up and held her arms closer to herself as she read the room numbers one by one, stopping at one of the rooms.

Alex followed, only to catch Ben holding out his hand to Jack in greeting, Wolf following suit.

"Alex was a great help. The mission was a success, the son of the ambassador was rescued alive, safe and well. We couldn't have done it without him but… about this, we came to his rescue…"

"I don't care about the mission. I came here because I wanted to know that Alex was okay." All three went silent. What kind of consolation can you give to anyone knowing Alex wasn't okay and the last few days of his life have come down to a question of who to give his organs to. Even Alex who had watched from the sidelines couldn't help but feel somehow nauseated that in less than 24 hours, he was transformed into a bag of living and working organs to be distributed around.

Jack had asked for time, Ben and Wolf had also agreed on that extra waiting time, none of them wanting to quit their vigil by Alex's bedside whether by obligation, guilt, grief or a mix of all three. Mrs. Jones was set to arrive the next day and she was to give the final decision on what to do with Alex's body. Alex had settled himself beside Jack who was embracing herself the whole time, probably trying to find solace in the whole situation. She had been crying since last night and Alex knew her enough to know this was the only way she could prepare herself for having to deal with legal matters and papers after and god knows what she planned to do with Alex gone. To pass the time, Alex had counted the five times Ben stood up and went out of the room, coming back with a new cup of coffee. His mother sat by his bedside also bent on hearing the final decision. If the plug gets pulled and organs get redistributed, his death becomes nothing more than a freak accident, his body too mangled for any soul to get back in. Sometime that morning, as the sun was about to rise, Alex felt somehow drawn to his own body. He stood up, walked toward it putting his hand on top. It was neither warm or cold. Actually, Alex was too focused on what he was seeing to actually form his own opinion on the temperature of his body.

A phone buzzed. For one or two minutes, it continued to sound in the silent room before Ben got up and went outside to answer it. "Miracles can still happen... Give him a week tops... This isn't an easy decision to make…" Alex couldn't hear the conversation from outside but he could guess who Ben has been talking to. Soon after the phone call ended, he pressed his hand on Jacks shoulder, waking her up. "Mrs. Jones is on her way here. You gonna get ready?"

Jack shook her head silently, her eyes not leaving the young teen in front of her. "What's she going to do? There's no one debrief-able here."

"It's not about that…"

"Then what is it about? You can't expect Alex to go on another mission can you? You can't expect him to give you the details either…"

"It's the medical-"

"I know I know I know…" Jack didn't continue, or she couldn't. By then she was crying, it wasn't those silent tears that Ben had shed only a few hours ago. She was struggling to breathe, every last piece of strength was her screaming, her hiccuping, her punching the wall.

Soon enough, Wolf was awake too, watching yet ready to intervene when necessary.

Alex touched his body again. If that could make her stop, he would get back into his body.

"You understand now? You work in the present, towards the future. The past is gone and done." Helen said as she put one cold arm around her son.

"I get it already, get me back into my body." If Alex was in his body, he could have been shedding tears. The Jack he was seeing made him want to go back, sit up and put his arm around his best was powerless though as he watched.

Only a few minutes later, Mrs. Jones had arrived. Jack was still a mess, with no time to recover from her own breakdown. Mrs. Jones though did not comment. "Good work team. And as always, Alex was indispensable." Her voice was too nonchalant and Jack could have imagined that Alex was awake listening to the quick debrief. She paused for a while and Jack could see that unsureness in her eyes. "And the organ donation.. "

"Mrs. Jones. Give him a week." Ben said.

"We're in Cairo, the maintenance of this will cost money."

"Money which we have." Wolf added.

Mrs. Jones put her hand up as if to silence the two. "It is money we definitely have. The ambassador, our client offered to pay for the maintenance this week, the least he could do for Alex, the one member of K-unit his son won't stop talking about."

"Where's the kid right now?" Ben asked.

"Recovering as well. They're celebrating their own holidays in South Africa but believe me, he's been raring to go and see Alex. Whether or not he gets to see Alex will be up to me. I just can't bear for him to see Alex in this condition." Mrs. Jones said, her eyes doing a once over of the boy on the bed

"No one should have to see Alex like this." That was Jack, her voice weak. "The boy sends his regards though. His whole family does. They wanted to send over a card, maybe even award him a posthumous-"

Jack slammed the wall, using it as leverage to get up and she walked out of the room. She was walking slowly yet unsteadily. Mrs. Jones knew to stay silent as she watched them go.

"Posthumous? He's not dead." It was only when Jack left the room did Ben continue.

"Ben please. I know it's hard to lose a teammate but you are going to have to move on from this eventually. I'm feeling the loss myself but this is our job and-"

"This is our job? This wasn't Alex's job."

Mrs. Jones could see that the blame had shifted to her with that last statement.

"Give him week. Enough time for the boy to meet Alex. Enough time for Alex to decide whether he wants to die on us or not."

That last statement may have been just simple decoration to his persuasion or it could be that Ben had felt Alex in the room, somewhere inside Alex or outside Alex, his soul was vacillating whether to get back in. It was a hard decision. He wasn't in pain, he was freely moving. The body in front of him is a prison, his in particular would be if he went back in. He was connected to how many tubes, he was only put together by bandages in his chest and the doctor had said, even if Alex woke up, there would be a lot of maintenance to follow. He had even told Mrs. Jones that Alex would be out of commission for almost a year with proper rehabilitation. Alex knew what that meant. If he was not fit for spying, he wouldn't be fit for a lot of his other personal activities whether it be soccer hiking or surfing. With his body that much of a mess, Alex almost wondered what they were planning to salvage for organ donations.

Seeing them coping with his loss was hard enough as well. Jack was tough to watch that Alex was terrified to find out how she'd handle that actual loss. It was 2am when he had watched and listened her conversation with Tom over the phone. Wolf and Ben had gone back to the hotel room in Cairo MI6 booked for them. Eagle and Snake had gone back to England to handle the debrief with Crawley. Mrs. Jones had booked a hotel room as well her guilt and accountability apparent in her choices. Jack didn't bother. There was a sofa there and Alex knew that her booking a room would have been a waste seeing as she was restless in her sleep.

"I don't know… it's been a week... I'm sorry Tom… I honestly wished too you could have seen him one last time. He told me himself, he thought he would be back my Christmas…" Jack explained apologetically. In the end, it wasn't her fault though, Alex was the one who put off telling Tom about his plans leading up to Christmas. He could hear the screams on the other hand. His best friend wasn't handling this well either. He felt his mother's arm on his shoulder. "You want to pay Tom a visit?"

Alex closed his eyes and the next thing he saw was Tom in his bedroom alone. Tom was staring at his phone. It looked like had just ended the conversation with Jack. The clock read 12am. He looked over Tom's shoulder as the latter silently scanned through articles on brain activity and organ donation. He had snuck glances at Tom's face to see that they were almost unfeeling. Alex couldn't pinpoint the exact moment Tom snapped. He hadn't expected either.

"Alex you bitch!" Tom threw his phone against the wall. Alex flinched instinctively at his best friends reaction and silently watched as he knocked over everything on his side table soon after. He didn't bother to pick up the lamp, the phone or the laptop that had fallen or maybe even broken. Tom was attached to his phone. Alex could note that Tom always kept his phone by his bedside and that was why he would always reply to Alex unless he was dead asleep already. Tom pulled the comforter over himself and Alex could hear the muffled screams from under.

With that, he turned back to his mother and returned back to Cairo.

"Alex… The ambassador wants to send some reparation money, millions of pounds worth. That house in Chelsea… They're giving it to me if you die… I could sell it for a good price in the market. Enough for me to go back to DC and start fresh, even pursue a passion. I could maybe find a guy, fall in love. I don't know… What do you think? I mean I have to move on right?" It was a subtle movement but Jack had squeezed Alex's hand a little tighter. "It's a lot for money Alex but I don't want the fucking money..."

"Alex. They're waiting for you." Helen took his hand and placed it on Jack's. "I'm your past. They're your present. Go home Alex." Loss and grief always comes in waves as Alex had learned over the years. It was neither a tsunami or a river of emotions though. Alex likened it to walking along the shore. Some waves were strong, strong enough to pull Alex in on bad days, others tickled his feet, brushed against his ankles, easy to shrug off on good days. That was Ian's death, that was Jack's death as well. The loss Alex as his mother's hand disappeared from his felt like a 5 foot wave that him in a split second. He closed his eyes soon after, willing himself to forget that moment of uncontainable emotion. The waves pulled back everything with them. Everything was black and the memories of that night faded into nothing but a feeling, maybe a sliver of a dream.

If Alex hadn't fallen unconscious, he would have loved to see the next few moments unfold. The hand under Jack's had twitched under its weight and squeezed back. A voluntary response. Alex was alive.


	4. Future

**I actually had finished this a while back, I couldn't bring myself to post it because my laptop was just a pain to booth up. Got a new laptop now so the faster booting up process and the better interface got me pumped to post the rest of what I need to. Anyway Enjoy! Two more chapters to go!**

"What's your new year's resolution? ." Ben smirked as he repacked the duffel bag Alex had brought for the mission.

Almost a week in a coma and two days of physical examinations and Alex was cleared for air travel- escorted air travel in a private jet that is. It would be months before Alex could be cleared for missions. Heck, it would be weeks before he'd be cleared for solid foods. It was a transfer from the hospital in Cairo and back to Saint Dominic's.

Alex would have looked forward to going back to school on the 10th of January. The GCSEs are only getting closer and miles away from home he could already feel the pressure. It was still a struggle for him to sit up, let alone be strong enough to walk to school on his own and the doctors had all advised against him going back.

"Ask all you want, the advise of the doctors in England won't change." Jack had said when he had brought up going back to school.

The paperwork was all done. Alex had an excuse letter, a private tutor waiting and of course, Tom who as soon as he found out the news, gladly agreed to collecting notes on his GCSE subjects for Alex.

"The usual. Try not to get killed" Alex said weakly as he settled back on the bed and looked out the window. The rain was almost calming and Alex could easily drift back to recalling his dream of a few nights ago, his mother, Tom, Jack, Ben. He didn't have to ask them to know that he was on the verge of death. They didn't mention anything at all about it but he could see in Ben and Jack's faces, the mental exhaustion of the wait and the relief that the ordeal was all finally over.

Jack had started to hold him like he was breakable and maybe he was. The doctor talked about a messed up digestive system and a deflated lung. He would be back in surgery a few times in St. Dominic's. Alex had found himself dozing off against his will when the doctor had explained to the others his medical condition. He had made a mental note to ask Jack about it later. With his constant struggle to breathe and his appetite that had dwindled to two bites of jelly at a time, Alex guessed he was more of a mess than he was aware of and he found himself to scared to ask.

 _Focus on the healing process._ He told himself.

"Hey… you asleep?"

Dozing off had started to become a habit ever since he woke up and Alex silently scolded himself as he looked back at Ben. "I'm fine."

"If that's your idea of fine sure." Ben joked. "Jack will be coming back in the afternoon to pick us up then straight to the airport from there."

"Wolf?" Alex continued, ignoring the light joke.

"Earlier flight back to England. The jet Mrs. Jones called for can only hold so many people comfortably."

Alex nodded. There was nothing else to say. He still got short of breath every now and then so he decided to keep to himself while he was still recovering. The others noticed and at the least compensated by oversharing on their side.

Alex may have dozed off again. The next thing he knew was he woke up to the door opening and Mrs. Jones coming in, a couple behind her.

Alex didn't recognize the man or the woman and only started to put the pieces together when the young boy appeared right behind them, his face immediately lighting up when he saw Alex.

Ben excused himself and Alex was alone facing the ambassador. He didn't do anything wrong. He shouldn't have been nervous. The difference in appearance and attire were stark though and it did much to affect their demeanor. Alex was sickly, pale in a hospital gown. They were all healthy and in business attire. Their son was in a polo and he looked much healthier than when Alex had last seen him. Alex wouldn't think that he was the same boy he had saved.

Mrs. Jones introduced the man as an ambassador of England and the woman behind him and his son as his family. She didn't have to mention the hostage situation. Alex only needed to see the boy behind them to know what they were there for.

The man cleared his throat. "We heard you're leaving today and we wanted to send our regards. All hospital bills were paid and you're good to go. It's the least we can do."

The woman came up front and dropped a small gift bag by his bedside. "This is a pretty late Christmas gift. You were in a coma for a while and we thought you wouldn't make it. As soon as we found out you were okay, we bought you a gift, something to bring back with you to England. We can't forget the boy who saved our son."

Alex reached out for the gift bag by his bedside, holding it closer to himself. "Thank you." He managed to say. It was a mixture of shame and exhaustion holding him back from saying more. They looked like they understood.

The couple looked at each other. "Our son wants to talk to you privately. We'll get some coffee outside." The man explained. The two exited the room but not before pushing their son closer to the bed.

"Cub. That's what they called you..." The boy started.

With his face only inches away from his, Alex managed a good look at the boy, full cheeks, blond hair and blue eyes. The ordeal back at Christmas could have been nothing but a distant nightmare to the boy in front of him. The worried look betrayed his otherwise clean appearance. "Cub?" Alex knew of course that the was his nickname.

"That's all I could remember from back then about you. They took you away before I could find out anything else. Before I knew it I was back home, safe. If you came any later, I probably would have been dead."

Typical for most hostage situations but still, Alex couldn't hide his surprise. Hostages were more valuable alive than dead.

"They were already planning to kill me and send my body to my father." The young boy explained. "They didn't care about any ransom, they had other plans with my death. They wanted to break my family. I don't understand the politics of it but all I knew is I didn't wanna die far away from home on Christmas day. I didn't want my father to wake up to my cut off head. I was so scared…"

When the boy started to tear up, Alex reached out his hand and placed it on the boy's and squeezed. Just reaching out left Alex exhausted and he had to settle back down on the bed, letting the hand hang limp only a second later.

"You had to spend your holidays here instead of at home. I was stupid. I didn't listen to my parents when they told me to stay home for the holidays. I snuck out with some of my friends to the lake for Christmas break. He looked unsure as he scanned Alex from head to toe. "I'm really sorry this had to happen."

Alex felt almost naked in his hospital gown as he followed the boy's eyes. He moved his hand closer to himself as to cover what little he could. He looked down and got a better look of how many tubes were running through him. There was a catheter on his chest, one on his left hand and one that he traced to his nose. He was aware he looked as weak and sickly as he felt. It was enough to keep the boy in front of him on the verge of tears and enough to keep Jack and Ben second thinking every decision to touch or hold Alex. "It's my job. I wanted to do it. If you didn't survive, I don't think I'd be able to forgive myself."

"But you're like this…"

At that moment, Alex realized recovering from a bullet wound and a few scars was nothing compared to survivors guilt, a cocktail of raw emotions like sadness, relief, anger coupled with confusion, grief for those lost. Alex had felt it a few times and knew he would have rather the boy lived and he end up in the hospital bed than the other way around. He meant everything he said. "I'll get better. The last thing I want is got you to wallow on something like this. You're alive. Study hard. Go to college. Have kids, be a strong leader like your father."

 _You're alive._

The words echoed in his head as he looked to the young boy in front of him. There was no way it could have been the other way around. Alex knew the extent of his own injuries. They reiterated it many times over with every bout of painkillers or change in bandages. He was lucky to be alive. Could the boy have been as lucky as him if the roles were reversed?

Alex could have dozed off, he knew he wasn't fully weaned off sleeping meds and painkillers and sometimes his bouts of sleepiness came in sudden waves, simple reflections and daydreams worked as catalysts. The next thing he knew, he knew Ben was beside him on the bed, shaking him awake. "Hey, you're going back to England."

Alex looked at the clock on the wall. The clock read 3pm. Alex never asked when his flight would be. A nurse stood behind Ben and Alex was reminded that he wouldn't be able to change and make it to the car alone.

A few minutes later, Alex was dressed in a comfortable sweatshirt and compression pants. To Alex's disgust, many of the tubes he got well acquainted with over the stay remained and Alex knew it would be straight to the hospital when he landed.

The nurse was helping him on the wheelchair when Ben handed him the gift bag from the side of the bed.

"You forgot this." He let go and let it fall lightly into Alex's hands. "Merry Christmas from the family you sacrificed your own Christmas for."

Alex instinctively felt around the paper bag before opening it, his hands eventually landed on the small opening which he pulled apart.

Inside was a black box. Alex weighed it in his hand for a few seconds before opening it to find a silver watch. It was a high end brand, he was way too familiar with.

"Hey, you saved their child." Ben explained. "don't think they'd scrimp with their hero."

Alex's disbelief at the price of their gift was there but was only a small percent of why Alex just stood there silently staring at the watch.

The hands of the clock triggered some thought process within him. He did not remember anymore many of the dreams he had in the hospital. For some reason though, the ticking of the clock left him somewhat sad, like he had lost something.

He thought of his parents and his uncle then he thought of Jack, Tom and K-unit. He then, thought of the boy that only a few hours ago was wracked with guilt over the turn of events.

He was sad because he wanted to go back, to a time before he was Alex Rider, a reluctant agent of MI6, a time before he was bed ridden facing months of recovery.

As he thought back to the boy he saved, as he watched the hands on the clock tick, he saw the many people he was yet to save in the eyes of the boy. He saw it in the way the clock ticked brushing against the lines at the edge of the watch.

Maybe the boy wouldn't have survived, if they arrived any later. Maybe he could still do something for the rest of the people in the same position as that young boy.

He was alive. He had the power to help, the power to save people.

At that moment, Alex stopped looking back.

 **Do tell me what you think!**


End file.
